Welcome to the first installment of The Essence of Dave. I felt that it was time to unleash the hubs on the interwebz. Enjoy!
First things first, not all of you know me or know much about me. Here is a quick crash course. I grew up in Virginia. Richmond till 4th grade and then Virginia Beach till graduation. We moved to Ohio on Christmas in 1995 and I have really grown to accept NW Ohio as home. I am the middle child between two girls and I was raised Jewish, but we raise our kids with both Judaism and Catholicism combined. I work for an alcohol distributor here in NW Ohio. We distribute beer, wine, and low proof spirits. My job takes me to some very unique establishments, meeting even more unique individuals on a daily basis. It seems that as soon as someone finds out you sell alcohol they want to be your BFF. So I have a lot of “friends” in this city. I’m rambling now….. let’s get on with it.
When Jayme asked me to write a weekly post I thought “What the hell am I going to write about?” Then it came to me. Being in the alcohol sales business, there are a ton of things every week that really make me say “WTF!!!” So this will be the place that I share some of the best WTFs that happen to me on a regular basis.
So oddly enough the first post does not come from the job. Jayme decided that we were going to get an Xbox for Christmas this past year. She convinced her mom to get me Call Of Duty for Christmas and then ordered me a headset so I can talk to people online while I play. I have heard some amazing things online since I started playing. For those who don’t know C.O.D. is a military style game where you go around killing each other. There are people of all ages that play. Some are nerds, some are jocks, some are black, some are white, some are serious, some are not, some are old, some are young. VERY YOUNG. One afternoon I was sitting here playing and listening to a conversation between two little kids that couldn’t have been more than 10 years old. It started about one being tougher than the other. Then on to how many “bitches” they’ve been with. I just sat there silently enjoying the entertainment. Then came the point that I couldn’t stay quiet any longer….
KID1: You know what I did yesterday
KID2: Na man, watcha did?
KID1: I had this dude over right….and then I teabagged that mutha f*cka
KID2: WHAT!?!?
KID1: I teabagged that mutha f*cka
Me: Do you even know what teabagged means?
KID1: Hellz yeah I know, who the f*ck are you anyway b*tch?
Me: Listen little man, if you teabagged another dude that means you are gay. You shouldn’t use terms that you don’t know what they mean.
KID1: I know what it is and it ain’t gay you dumb ass.
Me: It means you put your balls in somebody’s mouth, and if it was a dude that makes you gay.
KID1: Are you sure mister?
Me: Yup
KID1: (signed off)
10 year old boys talking about teabagging…..WTF!!!!!!
Now I have thought long and hard about this conversation and I feel like I did the right thing. There is nothing worse than little dudes trying to act hard and looking like a kid that likes his friends to suck on his boy berries. Hopefully I made a difference in this young man’s life. Who knows…. an afternoon conversation with me may make the difference of this kid growing up to be a teabagging low life or President of The United States of America. God Bless XBox Live for bringing people together. I think that I am going to see if I can write off my game playing as a Big Brother program. What would you have done? Stayed quiet or spoke up?
Laughing my ass off over this! I would have spoke up also. Ive heard some conversations of the little boys in my neighborhood and they are nasty little things, thinking they know so much.
Omagah. I would have totally spoke up too! But I wouldn’t have been as cool about it as you. Holy crap. Just nuts. Kids are mental!
Ermagerd, children are so ridiculous!!