Search Results for: jacob

My Kids – Creeping You Out Since Halloween 2013

This year my kids left me totally speechless with their Halloween costumes. Paige originally wanted to be Ariel from the Little Mermaid but was upset that I refused to buy her a brand new red wig. (I know, I am the worst mom EVER!) She went back and forth between different princesses that she wanted to be, but when it came down to actually picking out a costume she shocked us all.

Zombie Cheerleader
zombie cheerleader

I was so proud of her. I just love scary Halloween costumes. It is also so nice that she wants to have fun and not just be a pretty princess or some crazy slutty whatever. I could not believe how slutty the costumes are for her age. I mean, come on, she is only freaking 8 years old!

Jacob didn’t surprise me at all because that boys loves being creepy, scary monsters for Halloween. He really didn’t disappoint this year and pulled out one of the simplest, yet creepiest Halloween costumes that I have seen in a long time. I am pretty sure he could be an extra on American Horror Story.


Now let me introduce you to the creepiest photo of my children that I have ever seen. Enjoy your nightmares people.


You’re welcome.


Essence of Dave: AAAAAANNNNNDDDD… We’re Back!

So, I apologize that it has been a few weeks since I have posted. Life has just been so busy that I have not been able to find the time. On top of that, I just spent the last 20 minutes typing up a post and in the blink of an eye I must have hit the “Erase the whole page” button and it was gone. So here is the short version….

Cleveland Browns- Why do you torture us?

Cleveland Indians- Don’t mess this up

Jacob- Back in football

Paige- Back in dance

Jayme- Back in dance

Me- Where the heck is my sanity?

Gotta go finish getting the house into “company ready status”. The parents will be here on Friday and this place is not even close to being ready.

P.S. There is a new wine on the market called Carnivor. It is a fruitful Cabernet that you are sure to enjoy even if you are not a Cabernet drinker. You’re welcome.


Essence of Dave: Boom! Crash! There Goes The Neighborhood!

How many of you have little boys?  Wait a minute…. That sounds bad.  How many of you have sons? When Jacob was 5 years old he wanted to play baseball. We were thrilled, so of course we signed him up.

He never really got the hang of it. When they were in the field he had trouble paying attention. The one time we can remember him actually getting on base, he tried to field the ball that his teammate hit right after him. Needless to say, baseball wasn’t for him.

Over the past few years, he has taken an interest in the sport again. He likes to watch games on TV, and he enjoys throwing the ball in the back yard. He sometimes takes a bat and tries to hit it also. Every time I have seen him swing he has missed. However, my mother-in-law says he can hit the ball pretty far. I really didn’t believe her, I thought she was just trying to be a good Nana.

Last week was Nana’s birthday so I asked my brother-in-law to let the kids walk to his house after school so Nana did not have to babysit the kids on her birthday.  He was more than willing since he uses Nana’s babysitting service as well.

At 3:30 I get a text from Jacob, “At Uncle Adam’s”. So far so good. I continue on with the work day with not a worry knowing that they were safe at Adam’s house.  One hour later I get a call from Jayme. This was odd since it was 30 minutes before she was supposed to get off of work.

Me: “Hello”

Jayme: “I am on my way to pick up the kids”

Me: “Uh… isn’t it a bit early?”

Jayme: “Your son put a @$&*# softball through Adam’s window”

At this moment two thoughts came to my mind.

  1. How much is this going to cost?
  2. Sweet Jesus He can actually hit a ball!!!

Oh, don’t get me wrong… I was mad at the idea that he was aiming towards the house. I was even more upset when I found out he was also aiming in the direction of his sister and 2 year old cousin. But deep down I was a bit relieved to hear that he can make contact with a ball. The repairs to the window have been paid for and it will be a while before he is allowed to play with a bat and ball again. But SWEET JESUS MY BOY CAN HIT A BALL!!!!


Essence of Dave: The Change

I would like to apologize for my 2 week absence. I recently changed routes at work and have been spending a lot of time making the adjustment. I never realized that a change would be so mentally as well as physically exhausting.  Things are starting to calm down and I am adjusting well. We even had some time for some fun this past weekend. Friday night we went over to a friend’s house for a bonfire and did not get back until after 1 in the morning. Most of us slept till about 8 or 9 the next morning. Jacob however slept till 10:50!!!

At lunch that day the discussion lead to how when pre-teens start going through “the change” they tend to sleep more at night. Jacob has been in denial about the beginning of “the change”. Now that he is starting to sleep later I think he may finally be starting to accept it. So as the conversation progressed we talked a little more about what happens during “the change” all while avoiding the “P” word so that he would not get uncomfortable. This conversation lasted around 5 minutes or so before Paige looked at Jacob and said “They are talking about puberty!!”  Jayme and I could not hold back our laughter so Paige repeated it about 3 times.  My lord, the things that come out of young people’s mouths….

What are some of the funniest one liners that a child has blindsided you with?


You’re So Gay

It is not often that I share stories about Jacob here, but when I do they don’t always paint him in the best light. He has had some issues recently and we are trying to get passed them. When I heard this story the other day, I just couldn’t wait to share it with all of you to show you the goodness that lies in him. It is in there and I love when it peaks out. It makes me one proud mommy.

While I was driving the kids home from my parents’ house the other day, Jacob started telling me about his day at school. I was surprised that he was opening up to me since he is currently starting that pre-teen angsty crap where he doesn’t feel the need to share anything with us. He started by telling me about some kids getting into a fight at school. An 8th grader bullying a 6th grader. Lovely.

Apparently this 8th grader thinks it is funny to walk around the school calling all of the kids that he bullies “gay”. Well, on this particular day it was Jacob’s turn to be under fire. The kids started talking smack to Jacob and said something along the lines of “whatever, you’re gay” to Jacob.

Jacob looked right at him and said, “Yep. I am.”

The bully turned around and walked away.

As Jacob told me this the tears started welling up in my eyes. I couldn’t have been more proud of him at that exact moment. He stood up for himself and the bully couldn’t handle it.

I made him retell the story again tonight so that Dave could hear it. I welled up with tears again. It makes me feel like I have really taught him something. We taught him that being gay is ok.

While I am sure that he is not gay, he is not ashamed if someone calls him gay. We have several regular discussions about acceptance of all people no matter what religion, sex, sexual orientation or race. We also discuss that if someday he would come to the fact that he was gay that we would love him just the same.

Why can’t all parents teach the same thing?

I think that I might finally be getting through to him…

Have your kids done or said anything that has shocked you lately… in a good way?


HuffPost Live, Yelling & The Crazy Eyes

I had quite the surprise the other day when I received an e-mail from a producer at HuffPost Live. They asked if I wanted to take part in a segment regarding yelling at your children. They approached me due to a comment that I made on an article by the Orange Rhino, 10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling At My Kids.

Now due to my different family situation with Jacob it made me a unique story. I hope that I did our story justice, I talked everything over with Jacob before I went on air and he was ok with it, but after he was not. He is still too young to understand that talking about his situation can help others and I keep trying to help him understand this. I think that once he watches this video he will understand.

Oh yeah, and apparently I get the crazy eyes when I talk passionately about something. Why haven’t any of you told me this? Thanks to Stacia, I have this to prove the crazy eyes exist without actually watching the video.


I also embedded the video if you would like to watch it. It is 30 minutes so make sure that you have some time set aside if you would like to watch it. It really is an interesting topic. And I am not just saying that because I am in it!

Betrayed – Part 1 – The Betrayal

I know that many of you have been waiting to hear exactly what happened to me and my family recently. I tried not to be too vague in my facebook statuses. You all know how annoying it is when someone posts something like, “Oh whoa is me. My life sucks.” And they don’t explain anymore.

Yes, it was a little vague but I just wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, just like I haven’t been able to blog about it yet. I have talked to several friends, including Natalie who listens to my crazy life. They have helped me a lot. Sometimes it helps to talk it out. And now I need to write about it.

I don’t often talk about the issues that burden my family. Some of you who have been reading my blog forever know of our struggles with Jacob. We have a very unique situation. I am not going to go into it here but if you have the time it may help with you understanding our story. Long story short, Jacob was abused by his birth mother. He moved in with us when he was 5 and we have been trying to reverse all of the mess that she did to him for the past 6+ years.

Lately things have been better. We have all been getting along. The kids have been playing together very well. It almost felt like we were becoming the family that I have always dreamed about. We were giving Jacob his space since he is a tween after all. He seemed so much happier. Things had been going really great… Or so we thought.

Jacob started having some behavioral issues at school. He got kicked off of the safety patrol. We couldn’t figure out what was going on. We figured that maybe he was just having a bad couple of weeks. The teachers and school officials were telling us that this was his best year ever, so we were happy.

Jacob had been having a hard time getting up in the morning. He had been forgetting to set his alarm clock too and that aggravates me to no end. He is 11 and a half years old. The kid is old enough to remember these kinds of things. Heck he will be in high school in just a couple of years.

Last Monday I had enough of having to wake him up so I went in his room after I put Paige to bed to remind him to turn on his alarm clock. His room was pitch black when I opened the door yet there was a glowing light coming from Jacob’s pillow. I asked him what it was and he said it was a flashlight. Then he got up and walked over to “throw it in a bag”. My only concern was that his pillow was still glowing and I didn’t hear anything fall into the bag.

I turned back to the pillow and noticed it was still glowing so I walked over to it, lifted the pillow up and about passed out. There, under his pillow, was his former iPod Touch. I say that it was his former iPod Touch because it was taken away from him for good this past summer when he had disobeyed us for the last time with it by jumping into a pool with it in his pocket.

When I looked at the iPod closer I found that he had been texting with a girl. Of course he lied and said that he didn’t know her, which terrified me even more, but he fessed up and said it was one of his friends. I flew out of his room and ran downstairs to discuss this whole situation with Dave.

After further digging I found that he had the following accounts:  Kik, Pinger, Skype, Gmail, YouTube and Twitter. He also had a Snapchat account but luckily he didn’t use it (or at least we couldn’t find any activity on it). I was not pleased. I could deal with the texting accounts because I could read the texts and they were not too bad. I could also deal with the other accounts because he mostly used them to play his online games. What I couldn’t deal with was the Twitter account.

I could deal with the Twitter account if it wasn’t for what I found on it. Vulgar language, jokes about raping yo mama, shooting his sister in the face and calling her a f***ing bitch and the cyberbullying. I just couldn’t handle that. What happened to my fun little guy who loved to play Just Dance and hang out and watch those dumb dog movies (Snowbuddies, Airbuddies, etc.) This new personna J-Dawg was not that same kid. This kid was someone ugly. Someone full of hate. That someone is living inside my child and it scares the living hell out of me.

There is so much more to this story that I need to break it up into 2 parts. In the next part I will talk about the consequences that we came up with. Our biggest concern is how do we deal with such a betrayal. The punishment had to fit the crime.

Have you ever had one of your kids betray you like this? What did/would you do?

Essence of Dave: Parenting Is Not Fun & Games

So there are many things in life that make people say WTF. Most of the time it is things that we see or experience in life that make us say WTF, Very rarely can one look at themselves and say WTF. Today I look at myself and say “WTF Dave!!!”  I look at my life. I was raised in a middle class home with a “functional” family of five. My parents are still happily married and raised my sisters and I with good wholesome values. My parents taught me just about everything I needed to know in life….. or so I thought.  The one thing that was never taught was how to deal with children that drive you to your breaking point time and time again. I know, those of you who knew me as a child are smiling and throwing around the word “karma”. I was definitely not an angel growing up and I am getting it all back now that I am the parent.

Have any of you parents out there came up with the proper way to punish a child? When you marry your spouse and the two families become one, there are so many values that may contradict each other. Do you spank? Do you use time out? Do you ground? There are so many different punishments that were used on me as a child. Jayme was raised with different punishments. So which ones do we use? WTF!!!! Why is it so difficult to figure out the right way to discipline a child? Jacob has been nothing but horrible lately (Jayme will get into some of that in her own post) and it seems like a proper punishment is very difficult to come up with. Especially because I get so irritated that my mind goes in a million different directions and sometimes contradict myself when talking to Jacob. WTF… Why does parenting need to be so hard?

My wife is an amazing woman who has taken a boy into her home and accepted him as her own. She has loved him and raised him with good values and I am forever in debt to her for that. I believe that it is time to sit back and let her call the punishment shots for a while. Not to remove myself from punishing, but to see if her way works better. I support her and love her more than anything in this world, so why is it so hard for me to let go the grasp of being the one who hands out the punishment? I mean for real….WTF!?! I know many of you were hoping for a funny post, but I just can’t come up with comedic content when all this is going on. I just needed a place to let it all out and I promise that next week I will bring the funny. So how did any of you decide what the proper punishments are for your kids? How did you decide which parent does the punishing?

The Pinky Promise Is A Powerful Thing

I don’t understand why it can be so hard to get the truth out of my kids. No one ever does anything wrong, or they won’t fess up to it. I feel like I can never get a straight answer out of either one of my kids. It drives me insane. I know, I know, I am preaching to the choir here.

But…I think I have found some help in obtaining the truth… Well, at least from one of my children.

Paige has been telling us lately that she is always starving after lunch. I just couldn’t understand how she could possibly be so hungry when she gets a ton of food in her lunch. She gets almost as much food as Jacob does.

A few weeks ago Paige was telling me how she needs more food in her lunch again. Dave and I were totally perplexed by this request. We just couldn’t wrap our heads around the fact that this tiny little person could possibly need anymore food in her lunch.

We started discussing with her about the fact that she gets almost as much food as her brother – again – but she was so insistent. I kept asking her if she was really eating everything in her lunch and she was insistent that she was finishing it all.

I finally decided to pull a little trick on her. Whenever Paige and I make promises to each other, we do the pinky promise. I wondered how that would work in this situation so I decided to put it to the test.

I stuck my hand out, looked her straight in the eye and said, “So Paige, you pinky promise that you have been eating all of your lunch and that you really do need more food. If that is the honest truth, we will put more food in your lunch.”

I reached over and grabbed her tiny, delicate pinky with mine… and she broke.

She told us the real story.

Ready for this? It is a good one.

So, Paige has a little friend, who for the sake of anonymity we shall call Serena. Serena has been telling Paige that she needs Paige’s turkey sandwich so that she can feed it to her dog. Paige is such a sucker sweet little thing that she thinks this is a good idea.

First of all, why did this little girl feel the need to take my daughter’s turkey sandwich to feed to her dog? Secondly, how did her parents not catch her feeding her dog a freaking turkey sandwich?? I just don’t get it. I really don’t.

Luckily we got the truth out of her and we alerted her teacher who has now alerted the Lunchroom Police (or whatever they are called) to make sure that this doesn’t happen again. So now Paige doesn’t have to sacrifice her turkey sandwich to Serena’s dog anymore and she is no longer starving.

Do you have a special way of getting the truth out of your kids? I would love to hear it!

{Giveaway #2} Tiny Prints Holiday Cards – $50 Giveaway

I love the holidays! Once Thanksgiving hits it is like a mad dash to Hannukah and Christmas. Sometimes I feel like my head is spinning trying to get everything ready, but one of my favorite parts of the holidays is receiving holiday cards.

My favorite cards are the photo cards. I love being able to see photos of my friends and family from near and far so I try to make sure that I send out photo cards of my family. One of my favorite places to order my Photo Holiday Cards is Tiny Prints. Last year was my first year trying out Tiny Prints and I was so impressed!

The hardest part is trying to pick out the design that I want to use! There are so many amazing designs to choose from. Oh, this is going to be hard. Here are some of my favorites…

I know which one that I am leaning towards, but which one is your favorite? For me, it always depends on how many nice photos I can get of my family. We had a serious issue getting one of the kids to smile nicely (ahem Jacob) so we couldn’t use any of the family photos. I was able to get one decent smile out of him if we took his picture by himself. Luckily we didn’t have any issues this year!

Do you love Tiny Prints or love sending out photo cards? I have a $50 promo code to help you out with your cards this year!

I will make this one easy for you. Go over to their website and tell me which card is your favorite! That is it. Just leave your favorite layout in the comments and I will pick a winner. The giveaway ends December 2nd at noon. While you are over there looking for your favorite card, make sure to check out their special offers page too! You never know what great discount you may find.

If you love Tiny Prints as much as I do, make sure to follow them on all of their social media sites!





Google +


Disclosure: I have received a promo code for my own holiday cards from Tiny Prints. Even though I have received this promo code all opinions are 100% my own. All winners will be chosen my And The Winner Is… Winner will have 24 hours to respond. If winner does not respond in 24 hours, a new winner will be chosen.